lemon garden

As it has been a aeon since I last posted, I find that I must take refuge in a meme. This one has fixty-six questions, which is simply ridiculous. But what can a poor man do?

Unique

1. Nervous habits: You can tell when I’m nervous, because I talk unbidden. Whereas normally I never talk at all, in true reserved English fashion.
2. Are you double jointed? Yes. You should see the things I can do with my elbow.
3. Can you roll your tongue? Of course. Though I’m not sure what evolutionary advantage it is supposed to bestow upon me.
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? Yes. But it’s an acquired talent. I can remember, as a small boy, being fascinated by the way Mr Spock could raise one eyebrow when Kirk said something particularly ridiculous. So I practiced in the mirror until I mastered the art myself. However, I can only do it with the right hand eyebrow. I seem to lack the relevant muscles on the left hand side.
5. Can you blow spit bubbles? Oh God no. Sounds absolutely disgusting.
6. Can you cross your eyes? Yes. Though I prefer not to because it’s a bit wierd and is not the most attractive look.
7. Tattoos? No thank you.
8. Piercings? No. Call me strange if you will, but I’m not all that keen on the idea of sticking bits of metal through my body.
9. Do you make your bed daily? Of course, it’s not rocket science. Pick duvet up off floor, put duvet on bed, job done.

Clothes

1. Which shoe goes on first? Either one I think. Well, I might favour the right one slightly.
2. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? No. That’s dangerous.
3. On the average, how much money do you carry? None. I’m in training to be King.
4. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? None.
5. Favorite piece of clothing? I have a red jumper that I love. Probably the best thing about winter is that I can pull out my red jumper and let it do its job of keeping me warm.

Food

1. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? I’m not a great fan of spaghetti. I’m more of a tagliatelle man. But, when confronted with spaghetti, I usually make several attempts at twirling before giving up in disgust and cutting it instead.
2. Have you ever eaten Spam? No. It normally goes straight in the “junk” folder. Actually, while we’re about it, how come internationalised email clients don’t rename the “junk” folder to reflect British English? I want a “Dustbin” folder, or a “rubbish” folder, or a “wheelie bin” folder.
3. Do you use extra salt on your food? No. I use anti-salt on my food, as I don’t like a lot of salt.
4. How many cereals in your cabinet? I have some shredded wheat in the cupboard and a box of porridge oats sitting on top of the cupboard.
5. What’s your favorite beverage? A nice cup of tea.
6. What’s your favorite fast food restaurant? I don’t do fast food.
7. Do you cook? Yes. Every day. I love cooking.

Grooming

1. How often do you brush your teeth? Twice a day. Maybe more if required, but mainly twice a day.
2. Hair drying method? A vigorous rub with a towel and then I let the warmth of the air do the rest.
3. Have you ever coloured/highlighted your hair? No.

Manners

1. Do you swear? Fuck no.
2. Do you ever spit? No, I swallow. Oh, hang on. I didn’t mean it like that. For goodness sake, you have a filthy mind. I’m shocked.

Favourites

1. Animal: Homo Sapiens. For all its faults, I’m still rather fond of the poor creature.
2. Food: My mum’s lemon meringue pie.
3. Month: May. Because my birthday is in May, all the trees are full of beautiful spring blossom and we get two bank holidays!
4. Day: Sunday. Because I usually do some baking on Sunday and I like baking.
5. Cartoon: I’m not really a cartoons kind of guy.
6. Shoe brand: Shoes come in brands?
7. Subject in school: English Lit. and Chemistry. Blowing things up and then writing about it afterwards. That’s what schooling is about.
8. Colour: Red.
9. Sport: Cricket.
10. TV shows: I’m rather enjoying the new series of Battlestar Galactica at the moment.
11. Thing to do in the spring: Try and spot the first flower.
12. Thing to do in the summer: Sit in the stand at Headingley cricket ground and bask in warm summer evening air whilst watching England struggle against Pakistan.
13. Thing to do in the autumn: Pick blackberries.
14. Thing to do in the winter: Snuggle up with a certain pretty girl.

In and Around

1. In the CD player: “Fisherman’s Woman” by Emiliana Torrini, which arrived from the good people at Amazon this morning. An absolutely beautiful record.
2. Person you talk most on the phone with: Lately, a certain beautiful American girl. Historically, my mother.
3. Reading: I’m a bit stuck at the moment. I got four books out of the library, but I can’t seem to get into any of them. The last book I read was “Absolution Gap” by Alastair Reynolds, which I enjoyed a lot but it does have a bit of a damp squib ending.
4. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows/mirrors? Of course. How could I possibly resist.
5. What colour is your bedroom? Er, I’ve no idea. Hang on, I’ll check. It seems to be some sort of innocuous cream colour.
6. Do you use an alarm clock? Yes, I would not wake up in time for work without one.
7. Window seat or aisle? Depends entirely on how much leg room the window seat has. I like to look dreamily out of the window, but I have long legs so it isn’t always feasible.

Dumb

1. What’s your sleeping position? In bed.
2. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket? Yes.
3. Do you snore? Not as far as I know.
4. Do you sleepwalk? Not as far as I know.
5. Do you talk in your sleep? Not as far as I know.
6. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No. Taxidermy and bedtime do not mix.
7. How about with the light on? No. I like the darkness…
8. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on? No. Well, I suppose it has happened that I’ve fallen asleep in front of the TV. But it’s not something I usually plan to do.
9. Last interesting person you met? Well, everyone is interesting if you give them the time and attention. So the last person I met would be the lass working on the till in Morrisons’ supermarket.